Claire deLune, Wisebabe herself, answers your personal questions about Fashion, Romance, and the Meaning of Life. Only at Wisebabe.com.

So Claire,
I wear plain gold stud earrings most days. Sometimes when I go out, I wear a simple sapphire pair. My boyfriend keeps buying me flashy, dangly ones. Doesn't he see that I don't wear that kind?

What's going on?

Simple and Chic

Simple, Honey,

Earrings on your female is inversely proportional to how much a girl wants to be loved for her soul.

Your teeny, tiny, simple studs shows you are maybe a little too detached from your sexual self and are asking the poor guy to lust after you, but only on the spiritual plane.

Your boyfriend, he has learned that big, flashy earrings signal a girl who it's okay to compliment her bazooms. Maybe he wants to lose himself in the worship of your body as well as your soul, and he don't know how to tell you right out, so he does it with jewelry. Now, let me tell you, a man who tries to talk to a girl using gems is a man to keep.

Lighten up on this simplicity thing you got going. The Shakers, they had the simplicity thing down perfect, and look what happened to them. No sex, everybody brother and sister. They're history. Unless you don't want the boyfriend to be likewise in the past, you might try a little dangle.

So Claire,
I'm dating a guy who, on the surface, is everything I could ask for. He's nice to me, is considerate of my feelings. We like the same movies, the same music. He's stable and shares his feelings. But his fashion sense irritates me.

For instance, he likes BIG belt buckles. He has one inlaid with mother of pearl the size of a cd. He wears cowboy boots with dress pants when he thinks he's going someplace swank. He likes to wear cologne, the really loud and lingering kind.

I've tried telling him he doesn't need it, that some women like just plain guy-smell. He splashes it on and I feel ashamed to go places with him. Am I shallow?


M.K. Honey,
Your intuition has picked up on a problem with this guy, which manifests itself in his accessories.

First of all, your belt buckle size on your male is directly proportional to how important he thinks macho is to being a man. Not how macho he is, mind you. He could be a total pushover. Or, if you have noticed the belts they give at boxing matches, he could be the Heavyweight Champion of the World. Either way, he thinks the macho arts define your real men, and he is trying to display membership in that fraternity by capping his belt - a long snakelike thing if you haven't noticed - with the largest badge of manhood he dares.

The cowboy boot formal is another rejection of civilization in favor of manly freedom. God forbid he should be smooth and cultured from head to foot. Castrate him why don't you. (Alot of these guys refuse to have their male cats neutered. They take it personally.)

And the piece de resistance is the cologne. It is a form of spreading their scent around, laying olfactory claim to any room they occupy as their personal territory. Note the cat analogy above. And considering that most women have a more sensitive sense of smell, how considerate of your feelings can he be?

Fourteen year olds, male or female, are not capable of considering another person; they are too busy finding themselves an identity. But when a grown man can't give up these superficial badges of manliness, he is not what you call prime partner material.